Nikki Glaser Skewers Hollywood Beauty Standards, Jokes About Focus on Colin Farrell’s ‘Penguin’ Transformation at THR Women in Entertainment Gala

Nikki Glaser called out beauty standards and joked about having to wake up at the crack of dawn to open The Hollywood Reporter’s annual Women in Entertainment gala, presented by Lifetime, on Wednesday at The Beverly Hills Hotel.

“When I was told I had been chosen as one of the Power 100 Women in Hollywood I was so incredibly honored,” the comedian said. “And then I said, ‘Which number am I?’ And they said it doesn’t work that way; you’re all equal. And I said, ‘OK if that’s the case, then can I sit at Nicole Kidman’s table?’ and that’s when the correspondence ended.” (Kidman is also featured on this week’s THR cover.)

“A breakfast gala? For women in Hollywood. We don’t even eat that meal,” Glaser joked, before adding, “But truly, what better time to honor women than at 8 a.m., before the industry is awake, in that coveted post-Thanksgiving pre-Christmas Hollywood dead zone. We are women in Hollywood, hear us roar! But not too loudly because the hotel has a quiet policy enforced until 9 a.m.”

“I love being in full glam at the crack of dawn,” she said. “What am I supposed to do the rest of the day looking like this? I have fake eyelashes, fake hair, over-lined lips. I can’t go to Ralph’s looking like this. If I wanted to go to Erewhon, I’m going to need to get touch-ups. Usually women who look this done up at 7 a.m. aren’t entering the Beverly Hills Hotel, they’re leaving with a wad of cash and a ‘fun’ story about Charlie Sheen.”

Glaser also acknowledged how difficult it can be to keep up with beauty standards in Hollywood.

“This very speech I’m giving right now might have been 20 percent better had I not had to prepare my body to even stand before you and give it,” she said. “It’s hard to write a speech in the same day you have to get a spray tan, do a fitting, get your nails done and bleach your asshole. I guess I didn’t need to do that last one.”

It’s not something men have to worry about, she said, but when they do, people hear about it “non-stop.”

“Oh, Colin Farrell is so dedicated to his craft that he spends three hours in the makeup chair to transform into The Penguin? That’s how long it takes me every day to make sure I don’t look like The Penguin,” Glaser said before adding, “And I know I don’t have to wear makeup. But, yes, I do. I’m not Pam Anderson. I haven’t earned the right to a bare face. I’ve been famous for five minutes. If I started showing up places without makeup, my agents would place me under a conservatorship … controlled by Jamie Spears. They wouldn’t even give it to my dad.”

Glaser went viral this year for her jokes in The Roast of Tom Brady, which was livestreamed on Netflix in May, and scored an Emmy nomination for her stand-up special Nikki Glaser: Someday You’ll Die. The comedian is also set to host the Golden Globes on Jan. 5.

She took a moment to address how it’s important to “celebrate” and “honor” each other, but it can be hard to do in “an industry that relentlessly pits us against each other.”

She added that when she first moved to L.A., she met comedians Caroline Rhea, Sarah Silverman, Wendy Liebman, Bonnie McFarlane and Natasha Leggero, who were “actually nice” to her. She then encouraged everyone in the room to support one another.

“I’ll close by quoting the great Lady Gaga who once said three dozen times, ‘If there are 100 people in a room and 99 don’t believe in you,’ you’re probably at the Men’s Power 100,” Glaser quipped.

The Hollywood Reporter’s Women in Entertainment Gala was sponsored by Best Buy, Delta Air Lines, Rare Beauty, Regent Seven Seas Cruises, Sephora and WME and in partnership with Big Brothers Big Sisters of Greater Los Angeles, Entertainment Industry Foundation, Gersh, Chapman University and Loyola Marymount University. It was held in conjunction with the publication of THR’s annual Women in Entertainment issue and Power 100 list.