Is scheduled sex good or bad for intimacy? Know its highs and lows

Experience can tell you that there’s nothing quite as steamy as spontaneous sex! But most of the times, family, household chores and office work tend to suck spontaneity out of the system. Couples caught in the humdrum of life barely get time to get intimate. It is then that scheduling sex can come in handy to keep the sparks flying! At the outset, it may not seem to be romantic, but it can have a positive effect on your love life and strengthen your bond with your partner. It may also help you if you are planning a pregnancy. So, check out the pros and cons of scheduled sex before setting time aside for intimate moments with your partner.

What is scheduled sex?

Scheduled sex refers to the practice of setting aside specific times for sexual activity. “It is typically beneficial for couples who may have busy lifestyles, are facing challenges in their intimate relationship, or are trying to conceive,” says psychiatrist Dr Ashish Bansal.

Scheduling sex is one of the strategies that many women go for to maintain sexual desire in a long-term relationship, as per a study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior in 2020. “Scheduled sex ensures that the couple takes out time for intimacy and connection, which can improving the quality of their relationship,” says the expert.

What are the benefits of scheduling sex?

Most people in a romantic relationship have sex about once a week, according to a study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior in 2017. Whether you have sex once a week or more than that, try to plan it, as scheduling sex can offer some benefits:

1. Improved communication

Scheduling sex encourages open discussions about intimacy, desires, and needs. Couples often shy away from these conversations, but planning intimate time requires dialogue, helping both partners understand each other better. This improved communication fosters a healthier and more transparent relationship.

2. Better connection and intimacy

In busy lives, couples often don’t give importance to physical connection due to stress or exhaustion. Scheduling ensures that physical intimacy doesn’t take a backseat to daily routines. “The time set aside creates an opportunity to reconnect, nurturing both physical and emotional bonds,” says Dr Bansal.

3. Increased anticipation and excitement

When sex is scheduled, couples often look forward to the planned moment, which can build excitement and anticipation. This element of looking forward to a shared, intimate experience can add an element of fun and romance to the relationship.

4. Focused intimate moments

Scheduling sex promotes more meaningful and focused intimate moments rather than rushed or random encounters. Couples tend to prioritise quality, paying attention to each other’s needs, resulting in a more satisfying and connected experience.

5. Relationship satisfaction

For long-term relationships, it is easy to let intimacy slip. “Regularly planning sex helps couples maintain a consistent physical relationship, which may be good for overall relationship satisfaction,” says the expert.

6. Boosts fertility

For couples trying to conceive, scheduling sex around the woman’s ovulation period is vital for optimising chances of pregnancy. By planning sex during peak fertility windows, couples can enhance their chances of successful conception.

What are the disadvantages of scheduling sex?

Scheduling sex has plus points, but it may also have some disadvantages:

1. Loss of spontaneity

If there is no spontaneity, it may lead to various sexual dysfunction in both men and women. “Men may have issues like erectile dysfunction, and premature ejaculation, and women may not be able to achieve orgasm,” says the expert.

2. Increased pressure

Scheduling sex can increase pressure in some cases. If one partner is not in the mood or is not feeling well when the scheduled time arrives, they may feel compelled to go through with it, leading to anxiety or discomfort. This pressure can affect sexual satisfaction and emotional connection.

3. May feel mechanical or routine

When sex is planned and happens at the same time regularly, it can start to feel routine or mechanical. It may seem more like a task than a moment of passion and connection. This may reduce the overall enjoyment and lead to dissatisfaction over time.

4. Lack of flexibility

Scheduled sex can be limiting if one or both partners are not feeling up to it when the time comes. If there is not enough room for flexibility, it can create frustration or even resentment. Amid work stress and responsibilities, making strict schedules can be difficult to maintain.

5. May not address underlying issues

If a couple is struggling with intimacy due to deeper issues such as emotional disconnection, stress, or unresolved conflicts, scheduling sex might act as a temporary solution. But it won’t address the root causes. Without addressing these underlying problems, scheduled sex may not lead to long-term improvements in the relationship.

How to schedule sex?

Here’s how to plan sex with your partner:

1. Find a mutual agreement

Before scheduling sex, have a candid conversation with your partner. Make sure both of you are on the same page about the concept. Discuss preferences, such as frequency and timing, and ensure the idea doesn’t feel forced or mechanical.

2. Set a regular time

Choose specific days or times that work for you as well as your partner. Some couples might pick weekends or certain days of the week when they are less stressed or tired. If one partner has a particularly busy schedule, this ensures that intimacy is not pushed aside. “You can also plan for morning or evening based on energy levels and preferences,” suggests the expert.

3. Use subtle reminders

Instead of setting an alarm or a rigid calendar event, use more intimate and subtle reminders to build anticipation. For instance, you can send flirty texts or leave notes leading up to the planned time. This keeps the atmosphere playful while reminding both partners about the scheduled time.

4. Plan around key life events

Consider scheduling sex around significant moments or life events such as after a stressful work week or during vacations. Having sex planned during these times can bring about relaxation and help reconnect during what would otherwise be busy or disconnected periods.

5. Keep the menstrual cycle in mind

If you are trying to conceive, scheduling sex around ovulation is essential. There are apps and tools that can track ovulation, helping couples plan sex during peak fertility windows (usually days 12 to 16 of a 28-day menstrual cycle). “Timing sex during these fertile windows increases the chances of conception,” says the expert.

6. Spice things up

Even though the sex is scheduled, it doesn’t have to be routine or predictable. You can plan themed nights, try different locations, or introduce new activities to keep things exciting. This approach turns scheduled sex into something to look forward to, adding novelty to the experience.

Scheduling sex can be a helpful strategy for maintaining intimacy. It can not only improve a couple’s physical relationship, but also strengthen emotional ties.